So.

The guys (being Kyle and Billy, and by extension April, and they might've gotten Jeremy on the bandwagon) want to move the collective body of Last Rate Service ... to Austin. And Aaron is caught up in quite a pickle because he doesn't know what he wants to do, and he's pissed off because when Billy and Kyle were talking seriously of quitting the band (Billy actually did for a while), Aaron was still there--he told Jeremy that he wasn't going to quit even if they were down two members--and now his opinion carries no weight. And you know the kicker? They want to move by January. They used to be saying in a year and half, but now Kyle and April's lease is up in January, and they've decided that they need to move the band to Austin. Plus, whenever Aaron was talking to Kyle about it (he said that he couldn't really do that for another two years--ie, whenever I graduate ...), April piped in and said that the band needed to get out of Abilene before two years.

That one hurt. I know that they have no idea that Aaron was referring to when I would graduate from college, but it still hurt. I don't know. In all honesty, I don't want him to move to Austin, simply because I can't make the four-hour drive to Austin by myself every weekend. And there's no way I'm transferring schools; I'm staying at HSU. But the fact of the matter also stands that I want him to live his life however he wants to live it, and if he indeed moved to Austin, I wouldn't leave him or anything--I wouldn't think he was choosing the band over me or some such--I would just be incredibly sad because I'd get to see him even less than I already do. But I've told him over and again, if the only thing you're worried about is me leaving you because you move, you don't have to worry; I'm not going to do that. But it's more complicated than that. He's in a bind because he's torn between the two biggest things in his life.

I dunno. I guess some girls (a lot, actually) would get pissy if their boyfriends even considered a band to be on the same level as them. Consider this: He honestly wouldn't be the person he is today because of his band. I might never have met him if he hadn't started that band with Jeremy; that's what started bringing him to Abilene on a regular basis. It is his hope, his dream. Music is his life. I understand perfectly. I actually feel pretty important because I pull as much weight as it--he really doesn't want to leave me behind. Last night he was looking at acoustic guitars on Musician's Friend so that he could learn how to play guitar and do his own musical act. Without the rest of the band. That is how much he doesn't want to leave me behind.

But then again, that band is his hope, his dream, his life. He wants to make a living playing music. I understand; I feel the same way. And they want to pick up and move four hours away, with or without him. That hurts. That is one hell of a decision to make.

I don't know. It's kind of my business, but I also realize that it is his decision, and in the end I'll support him either way. There's no entirely happy outcome--it'll be bittersweet either way. At this point I'm still hoping that this is just a pipe dream that will blow over like it has every other time before (they've been saying that they're going to move to Austin ... pretty much since the band started).

That's another thing. That's kind of what I'm hoping for. Aaron and Jerm have always said that they're going to move to Austin, but they still haven't--and after he started dating me, Aaron began fervently wishing that they didn't move yet, because he didn't want to have to make that call. He doesn't want to go without me. And I can't move anywhere until after I'm out of school ... which will be, at the earliest, another two years from now. Two and a half years, more likely than not, unless I started taking summer classes--

And when I told him that I could do that, that I could probably take summer classes and graduate early, he told me not to rush myself because of him. He was like, "You're too damn start; don't waste it on me. Stay in school as long as you can." And I thought, I wouldn't call it wasting if it was because of you, but I do agree with the don't-rush thing. I'm still pretty scared of the so-called "real world." Pretty much all of my life that I can remember up until this point, I have been in school--from public school to college. And whenever I graduate I'll be pushed out into the world at large, and everything I've ever known (school) will suddenly be replaced by something else. I still think that that's a rather unfair transition. =P Oh well. All I know about the post-school future at this point is that I want to be with Aaron, and if that means moving to Austin, then so be it. Unless, I suppose, they decide to move to Austin this January and he stays behind for me ...

I don't know. I really don't. Once again, I guess that it isn't ultimately my call, but it still worries me--mostly because Aaron's worried, and I tend to feel what he does. I guess just ... pray. I don't know what for, because God's pretty flexible and can work whether he goes to Austin or stays here, but just pray. January's still pretty far away. We have time to figure this thing out ...